Not yet, but...why now?

I have just shed tears for the first time since I discovered I was leaving for China.

It's all starting to feel very weird. I had my injections today and now it's all falling into place.

These man situations are no good for me, I need to stop them now, I'm going to end up regretting getting involved.

I try my hardest to mentally thank the person for the time I had with them. To be grateful that they were part of my life for even 5 minutes, like a customer at work, or someone smiling in the street. Tonight, I told Rowan that for all I know, I could never see him again, and I'd be okay with it but thankful for it.

But I don't necessarily deem that to be true. I'm really starting to like him, a lot. I feel comfortable in his company and he says he feels comfortable in mine.

But in 3 weeks I go to China for 6 months.

Man, I'm really pessimistic today. Feeling a bit rubbish from eating some wheat stuff. And pondering too much.

Dan even seems to be playing with my head - one of my best mates!

I spoke to David online when I got home from a few beers with Ro', he was trying to get my to strip on my webcam and when I refused and scarpered to bed, he sent me a message saying 'I do like you, don't just want that.'

Yeah I like you too and I'm going away in 3 weeks so why don't we just have some fun?!

Whatever, I can't do that. He's fit, he knows it, and wants to make the most of it. Am I too cynical? I think not.

Kim x