Not harsh...

But totally true...


I'm feeling quite girly at the moment and therefore have decided to celebrate this fact by permitting the airy tones of Britney Spears to emanate from my speakers. Yeah, you gotta admit, Britney does make a girl feel better. I'm also feeling a bit philosophical, so if you don't want to get more confused or inside my head, I suggest you get back to checking your e-mail now!

I've had a pretty random few days. Well not random in anyway that you'd think is random, and I don't feel messed up in my head, but thinking about it sounds random. Er, yeah. So, I get home from work on Sunday and feel pretty rubbish like I've developed some crazy assed flu thing.
I get home, I sit in my ace penguin pyjamas and mong about. I decide to call Nick and see if he feels like company in Derby. About an hour and a half later, I'm on the train to Nottingham to see my ex-boyfriend.

A hug at the station, then we go back to his via his mate's house in a taxi. Let me just remind this guy is my ex, with his hand resting on my leg, acting completely normal. Adrian asked me several times this week if Nick was aware that we'd broken up, and I reassured him that he was totally aware. But now I'm not so sure. Monday was spent chilling out and being pretty coupley actually. In fact, I started to feel bad about the MJ thing - yeah, this is the first time I've admitted any remorse about it. The way I see if, if a guy isn't going to give me attention, I'll get it somewhere else. Brutal, yeah. I'm over that stuff now tho. Spending Monday with Nick was really weird, in a good way. He was showing me random places in Nottingham and I actually felt like he was interested in me.

Something kinda strange also - Nick never said anything about us. I get the impression he's quite closed and never talks about his feelings or relationships. Which sucks; I'd much rather be open. If I'm feeling something, I'll usually say it.

I was supposed to come home last night, but was feeling pretty rubbish still, and kept falling asleep on Nick, so he said I could stay again if I wanted, so I did.

This morning however was pretty rubbish. He set about eighty alarms (well, there were 3 of which I heard...), and you know when you hit snooze for 10 minutes because you can't be bothered getting up. Well, Nick did this for all 3 alarms, but about 6 times, for about 45 mins. One alarm is bad enough, but eighteen?!?!? I was less than impressed!! Instead of the customary goodbye hug, I got a pat on the back as if I was his son before a baseball match, and a 'see you soon' kinda mumble as he walked out the door. And he didn't even get a shower before work! Ugh!

I've been doing a lot of thinking today actually, I'm feeling quite spiritual. I guess I didn't have much choice after having to walk to Nottingham, then get 2 trains, sitting in Derby station for a while too, on the way back home from Nick's.

I was thinking about how I really want to help people in the Tsunami disaster thingy. Like, I just want to fly out there and help people. Pretty unlikely I know. I should probably focus my thoughts on helping people more local to me. I think I'm going to call up the hospital I used to help at tonight, to see if they need any extra volunteers on the radio station.

I've also been thinking about Uni - I want to go back and do a Postgraduate degree so much. However, the funding for the courses I'd do is pretty sparse and probably aimed at higher calibre students than my 2:2 branded ass, so I need to find £6,000 before September. Either that, or I could study part-time. I have been looking at Scottish Universities tho, as they tend to be cheaper on the fees, up to about 50% - and then I could get a Career Development Loan to help me out, and I'd still have enough left from the £8,000 I'd get, to be able to live. It's a bit pants tho. I have friends who are doing funded Postgrads tho, so I should probably ask them where they got them from. Arrrgggghhh.

On the train in a mag I saw this absolutely gorgeous photo of Rachel Stevens. She didn't look too hot in it actually, her eyes looked kinda funny, but it was all moody and funny. I quite like Rachel. There was a quote on it too, something like "I like to think I'm a high-maintenance girlfriend. Why not?". I kinda realised something. I can be quite high-maintenance. I won't normally admit it. But yeah, I like to be taken nice places. I like to be treated like a lady. I really hate it when a guy doesn't act like a gentlemen. I like guys to look the part. I hate it when a man feels he doesn't have to make effor to impress me. I hate it when I hate people embarassing me. I like to be bought nice things. But then again, what woman doesn't?

By the way, if you're actually someone who's not me and reading this, I'd love to see a comment or two from you. As far as I know, Becky, Dale and Mikey have been following my randomness, so you know it would be rude not to say hi :P

Kimmeh x